Is President Donald Trump a Vogon?
The time has come, unfortunately, when we need to ask that question, even though it might seem like a joke, science fiction or a satire by Jonathan Swift
It is however, a serious question – deadly serious.
For those not familiar with the term, the Vogons are a fictional extraterrestrial species found in Douglas Adams’ “The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy” series of books.
In the first book, the Vogons destroy planet Earth to make way for a hyperspatial express route.
The demolition orders for planet Earth had been posted on Alpha Centauri for 50 Earth years.
“What do you mean you’ve never been to Alpha Centauri?” one of them asks. “For Heaven’s sake, mankind, it’s only four light-years away. I’m sorry, but if you can’t be bothered to take an interest in local affairs, that’s your lookout.”
“Energize the demolition beams.”
Of course, those in the White House (or the nanobots controlling them) likely aren’t making room for a hyperspatial express route.
Far more likely would be they are sterilizing the Earth for a real estate development.
Let’s say that there is an interstellar civilization (that we’ll call the Kzintzi) looking for a new planet to settle.
A planet such as Earth, with all it its diverse life forms and ecologies, might be interesting to observe for a while, but it really wouldn’t do as a place to live.
Newcomers almost certainly would have little or no resistance to Earth’s millions of bacteria, viruses and other forms of life (read “War of the Worlds” by H.G. Wells).
Far better to sterilize it or, better yet, get compliant (and not too bright) Earthlings to do it for you – fewer legal complications with the Galactic Federation’s First Directive that way.
So, what would the members of that interstellar civilization, the Kzinti, do?
Perhaps they would hire interstellar real estate consultants (that we’ll call Vogons) to go ahead of their migration fleet and “clear the land” for them – for a sizeable fee, of course.
The Vogons would seek out planets occupied with a species advanced enough to burn fossil fuels but not quite advanced enough to control the greenhouse gases emitted.
The Vogons do a few subtle psychological manipulations here and there, the greenhouse gases increase beyond control, the oceans boil off and the planet is left totally lifeless, with even the hardiest microbes killed.
A few years later the Kzintis' interstellar fleet arrives at the sterilized planet (“Too bad, so sad”) and they cool it down to make it livable again – a trivial problem for a space-faring civilization.
We human beings have spent many years and hundreds of millions of dollars unsuccessfully searching the galaxy for signs of life.
By any reasonable calculation there should be hundreds if not thousands of advanced civilizations out there. Why haven’t we found any?
The standard answer is they aren’t there.
A possibly more realistic answer might be that the universe out there is much like it is here on Earth – a dangerous place.
Perhaps there are hundreds or thousands of advanced civilizations in our galaxy but they keep their existences secret because there also are out there, as here on Earth, predators, parasites and other unpleasant creatures ready to prey on the weak or unsuspecting.
Human beings are altering the Earth’s environment. We are close to expanding off of our planet. We are about to develop artificial intelligence. In other words, we are dealing with a crisis the like of which has never occurred in the history of our planet.
How likely it is that this crisis would attract the interest of interstellar predators, parasites or real estate developers is, to borrow a phrase, “an unknown unknown.”
What should we do?
The cover of The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy has good advice. It reads: “Don’t Panic.”
– Keith McNeill
READ MORE: Stephen Hawking: We are close to the tipping point
The time has come, unfortunately, when we need to ask that question, even though it might seem like a joke, science fiction or a satire by Jonathan Swift
It is however, a serious question – deadly serious.
For those not familiar with the term, the Vogons are a fictional extraterrestrial species found in Douglas Adams’ “The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy” series of books.
In the first book, the Vogons destroy planet Earth to make way for a hyperspatial express route.
The demolition orders for planet Earth had been posted on Alpha Centauri for 50 Earth years.
“What do you mean you’ve never been to Alpha Centauri?” one of them asks. “For Heaven’s sake, mankind, it’s only four light-years away. I’m sorry, but if you can’t be bothered to take an interest in local affairs, that’s your lookout.”
“Energize the demolition beams.”
Of course, those in the White House (or the nanobots controlling them) likely aren’t making room for a hyperspatial express route.
Far more likely would be they are sterilizing the Earth for a real estate development.
Let’s say that there is an interstellar civilization (that we’ll call the Kzintzi) looking for a new planet to settle.
A planet such as Earth, with all it its diverse life forms and ecologies, might be interesting to observe for a while, but it really wouldn’t do as a place to live.
Newcomers almost certainly would have little or no resistance to Earth’s millions of bacteria, viruses and other forms of life (read “War of the Worlds” by H.G. Wells).
Far better to sterilize it or, better yet, get compliant (and not too bright) Earthlings to do it for you – fewer legal complications with the Galactic Federation’s First Directive that way.
So, what would the members of that interstellar civilization, the Kzinti, do?
Perhaps they would hire interstellar real estate consultants (that we’ll call Vogons) to go ahead of their migration fleet and “clear the land” for them – for a sizeable fee, of course.
The Vogons would seek out planets occupied with a species advanced enough to burn fossil fuels but not quite advanced enough to control the greenhouse gases emitted.
The Vogons do a few subtle psychological manipulations here and there, the greenhouse gases increase beyond control, the oceans boil off and the planet is left totally lifeless, with even the hardiest microbes killed.
A few years later the Kzintis' interstellar fleet arrives at the sterilized planet (“Too bad, so sad”) and they cool it down to make it livable again – a trivial problem for a space-faring civilization.
We human beings have spent many years and hundreds of millions of dollars unsuccessfully searching the galaxy for signs of life.
By any reasonable calculation there should be hundreds if not thousands of advanced civilizations out there. Why haven’t we found any?
The standard answer is they aren’t there.
A possibly more realistic answer might be that the universe out there is much like it is here on Earth – a dangerous place.
Perhaps there are hundreds or thousands of advanced civilizations in our galaxy but they keep their existences secret because there also are out there, as here on Earth, predators, parasites and other unpleasant creatures ready to prey on the weak or unsuspecting.
Human beings are altering the Earth’s environment. We are close to expanding off of our planet. We are about to develop artificial intelligence. In other words, we are dealing with a crisis the like of which has never occurred in the history of our planet.
How likely it is that this crisis would attract the interest of interstellar predators, parasites or real estate developers is, to borrow a phrase, “an unknown unknown.”
What should we do?
The cover of The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy has good advice. It reads: “Don’t Panic.”
– Keith McNeill
READ MORE: Stephen Hawking: We are close to the tipping point
